“We recognize non-physical forms of energy. In the presence of someone’s energy, we can
sense them.” Interesting. . . a memory is triggered of a guy that I loved, you know that all-consuming, must be
italicized in writing love. Anyway, I could always sense when he was
around me after our break up and that sense lasted for almost a year. . . I
told you it was an all-consuming love. The sense I got was a funny feeling in my
chest and stomach, when I looked up, there he would be, either driving by me or
walking out of a store, etc. I tried to
explain that feeling to my friends but it seemed crazy and I couldn’t fully
explain the sensation that I always knew he was near me before I saw him. I don’t have that feeling any longer. . .I
guess as time went on and I healed from that break up, the connection between
us died and so did that sense. But this must be the energy that I am learning
about today and it’s reassuring that I can apply personal experience to the
theoretical concept. Have you ever
experienced this?
This whole program is a lengthy explanation of the law of
attraction, they call it the secret behind the secret. By the law of attraction, you magnetically
attract the things you think about most often, whether you want them or not. I thought about abandonment all the time and
I was abandoned. . . .twice. Read into
that I am referring to HE and the guy mentioned above. To be fair, my thought was that I don’t want
to be dumped or left behind or made to feel worthless but apparently the
universe doesn’t differentiate. . . if that is what my mind is focused on then
that is what will come to be. . .according to the law of attraction. Think about training a dog. . . you would
never say, “Don’t sit” because they will sit. So. . .am I forced to look in the mirror and
say that I was the cause of both of those break ups? That thought alone is enough to scare me straight! Talk about the horror of all horrors! I have been happily blaming THEM for so long
but now I have to take some ownership?
Despite that realization, I am feeling content today,
hopeful and peaceful. Had you asked me
last night. . .very different story, very different feelings. I felt sad, lost and lonely. I couldn’t sleep. I actively spend a lot of my day daydreaming
and I experience positive and negative emotions because of my daydreams. What can I say. . .I’m a Pisces. . .not that
I’m a huge astrological person but I guess us Pisces are known to be
dreamers! Lately, my daydreams have been
focused around what I would say to HIM.
I want and deserve a real conversation with him more than a cowardly FB
messenger break up that I compare to the Sex and the City post it note break
up. . . you just don’t break up with someone that way. We all have to go through the awkward
conversation ‘it’s not you, it’s me, but really… we all know it’s you’. Then, because of my day dreams, I get angry
with him. Followed by a feeling of empowerment
because I daydream conversations that are filled with things I would never say
in real life nor have I been given the opportunity to say.
God, I sound a bit crazy!
It’s just that break ups are hard and made even harder when you never
get the chance to say the things you really want to say.
“I am organized and will remain focused”. Little roadblock. . .I am not focused! The daily affirmations are the hardest part! My mind floated to a guy that asked me out
last night. It is definitely too soon to
begin dating, right? Maybe I could use
him as a little diversion? No. .
.definitely too soon to start dating. Then I thought about the movie Julie and
Julia. . .it was on tv last night and I watched for about 20 min, I truly don’t
think it made a big impact on me but I guess my brain was more interested in
that than remaining focused on my affirmations.
I guess my mind is not ready for its own personal soundtrack!
1)
My friends that value our traditions as much as
I do.
2)
My clients that love working with me not against
me.
3)
My creative mind which is always conjuring up
ideas. . .some may not be the best idea’s but I’ll take what I can get!
As I try to meditate, I relax, take several deep breaths and
let my mind go. I ask myself, ‘How
powerful is my mind?’ as this was the instruction for today’s meditation. Immediately, I go back to when I was in my
20’s. Almost every night before I fell
asleep, I would daydream about being sick and in a hospital bed. I was surrounded by friends and family,
flowers and cards, such an outpouring of love.
Morbid, perhaps but I was seeking the feeling of love but in a very dark
way.
Anyway, fast forward 10 years and out of the blue I was
diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 34,
healthy, no family history. . .it was a total fluke. During my treatment, I went through genetic
testing to try to determine where it came from but it truly was an oddity. Thankfully, I am fine now and have made it
past the much feared and much celebrated 5-year mark. Is it possible that my mind created that from
my nightly fantasies of being sick? Is
my mind really that powerful?
Day two is done and thought provoking! I have been shown that I could have been the
cause of two men that I love(d) dearly leaving me AND causing my own
cancer! Dear God. . .if all this is true
I should dedicate more time to positive thoughts than to dark, negative or
morbid thoughts. . . just in case!
